Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Should I tell him I love him - 4 ways to assess the situation


I got this question a few times recently.

If we have been dating or seeing a guy for a while, we become more and more into him until we feel like we have fallen head over heels in love with him.

We spend more and more time with him and things are going so well that we feel compelled to tell him exactly how we feel.

I am all for honesty and being up front and direct with people but I tend to err on the side of caution where men are concerned and I never go faster than they do. In other words, if a man has not said "I love you" nor hinted at it, then I will not say it.

Some women say that if you want to tell a man that you love him, you should just go right ahead and tell him. What's the worst that can happen, right?

Well, if you had that same mindset, then you wouldn't be asking the question "should I tell him that I love him?" You would just have told him.

Here's how you can access the situation though and make a decision. Mull over the following questions.

1. What is it that you are hoping to gain by telling him that you love him? Do you hope that by telling him that that you and he will become closer and that your bond will deepen? Are you hoping that it will take your relationship to the next level? Are you hoping that he feels the same way about you?

2. How long have you been seeing each other? Remember that men and women view dating and relationships very differently and although you have been seeing him for six months and feel like you have fallen in love, he might not feel the same way. Has he been dropping any hints that he may love you too?

3. How would you feel if he did not say it back to you or doesn't that matter? Are you sufficiently detached from the outcome of any such conversation so that if you say it and he does not respond in kind that you could simply say "well, it doesn't matter but I love you and I wanted you to know that". Seriously, if this is the way you feel, then by all means tell him.

4. Are you prepared to face the possibility that he may not feel the same way and that your telling him that may spook him and send him running in the next direction? If that were to happen, do you know how to reverse that situation?

I am really not trying to be pessimistic here but these are valid questions that I think you should mull over. Once you have assessed the situation and you accept that you are taking on a big risk, then go for it! When you take a big risk, it either pays great dividends or you lose everything.

If you are positive that he is hooked on you, then take the risk!

If not, don't do it!

You'll be putting yourself in a position that you do not want to be in.

There is another way.

How about inspiring him to fall in love with you by being the beautiful, sexy confident, no-nonsense lady that you are! No fear of making any mistakes with him because you are in control of you, your emotions and who you give your heart to and who you let in.

Now, how about getting him to say he loves you and wants no one but you... UNPROMPTED!

How do you think you would feel then? He is saying it because he means it with no prompting from you.

Correct ladies, correct...Now that would be quite an achievement!

Alyssa K

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