Monday, October 18, 2010

How do you know if he is Mr. Right?

For some, it is challenging to know if you have found the one but if we are clear about the fact that you teach people how to treat you and that they respond to you in whatever way that you allow them to then knowing if a guy is the one for you becomes a bit easier.

I’ll just write what comes to my head…

How do you feel in his presence? How is he treating you when he is with you? Do you feel as though you have his complete attention when he is with you? Does he make you feel as though he wants to be with you? Does he disrespect you in any way?

Does he put you down or insult you? Does he flirt or come onto other women when he is with you? Does he make you feel as though the reason he isn’t is because you are there? Subtle, but important…Does he verbally or physically abuse you? Does he cheat on you?

If he makes you feel uncomfortable in any way then chances are he is not Mr. Right. If he makes you feel that you are a thorn in his side, he is not Mr. Right. If he makes you feel like you are annoying him or stepping onto his turf then he is not the one. If he cares more about what his friends or other people think of him than you do, not the One. If there are too many queens in the castle, he is not the one.

There are many different examples I could list and I am sure that you can fill in some of your own from your own experiences and those of your friends.

How he makes you feel when you are with him helps you to determine whether or not this is the guy for you. This is why it is important for you to be very picky about who you choose to spend your time and affection with. Why reward a guy if he is not doing anything to be rewarded for? What is the point of rewarding bad behavior?

But then again, if he treats you like this and you are still with him and giving him your time and energy, what does that say about you?

On the other hand, if he makes you feel like you are the only one for him and consistently acts this way, then you may have found your dime. If he makes you feel like he would do anything for you and the thought of being with another woman or cheating on you never enters his mind, then you may have found the one.

If he calls you up during the day just to say hi, what’s up; if he surprises you and does nice things for you without you even having to ask; if he lets everybody who will listen know that you are his lady; if he makes you feel comfortable in his presence and makes you feel like he is there to defend you even though you don’t really need him to be there, chances are…

This is a man that is clearly hooked on you. Why? Because you behaved in a way that made him know that you do not settle for less than you deserve. You have self respect and you can take him or leave him. Either way you will be okay.

If you behave in this way all the time, Mr. Right will stand out because he will be looking for a lady with self-respect.

When you have high self-esteem, you make fewer mistakes. Even if you have made a few, doesn’t matter because starting today you can change, become a lady who does not settle for scraps, take back control of your love life and manage to get Mr. Right hooked on you.

Later ladies

Sunday, October 17, 2010

You teach people how to treat you

Very often, we get into relationships with men who we really should not have even allowed to talk to us let alone touch us.

I’m serious. These are the men who should be happy we even blink in their direction.

I wonder why we do it. I think a lot of it has to do with self-esteem. How do you view yourself? How much value do you place on yourself? How much pride do you take in yourself?

Sometimes I hear stories of women who are in abusive relationships, in relationships with men who are cheating, in relationships with married men or men who have girlfriends, men who are flaky and wishy-washy, men who still won’t propose after 5+ years. I mean really?

They complain about the treatment they are receiving but yet cannot seem to walk away from these men and these waste of time and energy relationships.

What is it about a man who is not treating you well that makes you want to cling to him and not let him go? What is it?

It is clear that he is not worth your time or energy so why is it so hard to let go of someone who treats you like crap?

It goes right back to your self-esteem and self worth. What do you really think about yourself?

Do you think that you are beautiful and that you deserve a loving relationship?

Do you think that you have a lot going for you? Do you really?

Do you think that your life has meaning?

Have you found your passion?

Do you think that you deserve to be with a man who treats you with respect?

Do you think that you deserve to be with a man who only has eyes for you?

Do you think that you deserve to be with a man who only wants to date you and be in a committed relationship with you?

Do you think that you deserve to be with a man who sees your value and acts accordingly?

Do you think that you deserve to be with a man who knows that you are the one he wants to marry?

If the answer to all of these questions is yes, why is it that so many of us stay in relationships with men who are not treating us as we deserve to be treated?

You teach people how to treat you. If you don’t treat yourself with respect because you do not know or do not believe in your true value, how can you expect the man you are involved with at some farcical level to treat you any better?

It cannot work.

You set the tone for how you want to be treated. You show him how you want and expect to be treated because you are aware of your worth. If he cannot deal with that, if he cannot step up to the plate, then he can move right along.

You cannot be that desperate for a relationship that you accept the scraps a man throws at you because he thinks he is above treating you as you deserve.

Ladies if he is not treating you as you deserve to be treated, MOVE ON! NEXT…

If it sounds ruthless and heartless, then you really do not know your worth. To find your dime, you be a dime.

If you see yourself as you truly are, you are on your way to having the life and love that you want.

I particularly like Calling Men and Man mistake Eraser because they help you to put you in a position of power and control. It is from this place that you get exactly what you want and deserve!


Alyssa K

Monday, September 20, 2010

When he says he needs space - That's fine, you need your space too!

Hey ladies,

Still on the needing space issue.

Often, you will realize that guys won’t say anything about needing space until they have been pulling back for a while, acting distant, not calling or whatever else they do to make you want to pull your hair out trying to figure out what’s wrong.

Freaking annoying you will agree...

It’s only when you realize that they are acting distant for a days on a stretch that you realize something is up and then, you ask “uhmm, is there something wrong?”

They deny that anything is wrong and then after you prod a bit more, it usually comes out “I just need some space”.

This is after you’ve suffered through the distant behavior and made yourself sick thinking you are losing them.

Sounds familiar? It makes you want to strangle them.

The key is of course NOT getting to this point.

But what if you have reached this point with a man? What do you do now?

I’ll tell you what you do not do. You do NOT open your eyes as wide as saucers and start to have a quivering bottom lip.

You do NOT ask him what he means or ask him if it means you are breaking up and then throwing a fit if he says yes, begging him to stay.

You audibly (this is important) breathe a huge sigh of relief and tell him that you have been feeling the same way and it’s good that HE brought it up. You need some space too…

You need a freaking break too.

See now if he thought that you needed him around you that badly, he was sadly mistaken.

LOL, that’s how you start correcting that mistake.

But now, understand that if he said that, your attraction quotient has fallen somewhat. Now you have to ramp it back up and become insanely attractive to him again.

That is where this gem that was clearly a hit this summer comes in!

It is not just enough to tell him that you need your space.

You have to SHOW him. Therein lies the challenge!

But ladies, when you have met and overcome that challenge, it’s a whole new world for you and the men in your life!

Just remember, you need your space too…

Works wonders I tell ya!


Alyssa K

Friday, September 17, 2010

What does "I need space" mean?

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship, having what you think is the time of your life, everything is all rosy,

all of a sudden your boyfriend says “I just need some space,” or “maybe we just need some space”?

What the hell does that mean?

I know some of you would start to freak out and think that this is the end of the relationship. This is it, you are breaking up, end of the road, how could he do this to you... and on and on with the negative thoughts.

But wait, not so fast…

What if that is all it means? Maybe you do need space away from each other because:

Think about it honestly for a minute...

You have been spending way too much time together and one (or both of you) is beginning to feel smothered and you need some time to breathe

The spark you had at the beginning is fizzling out and the attraction he had for you is waning

The relationship is going too fast and he wants to slow it down

You both need some alone time to collect your thoughts, handle personal business, reflect on yourself, the relationship, to regroup, etc…

It is possible to have too much of a good thing and too much of a good thing can ruin it.

Ever heard the term familiarity breeds contempt?

Well in the case of relationships, it breeds contempt, boredom, loss of attraction and a possible break-up...

The objective in any relationship is to keep the spark alive and preserve some of the mystery.

Without the spark, the chemistry, the attraction whatever you want to call it the relationship is doomed.

The only way you can do that is to spend some time away from each other to regroup and rekindle the spark.

How do you do that?

Whenever you hear “I need some space” from a man, well you heard him, give him his space!

But there is a way to do it so that he comes looking for you because you have yet again become so incredibly attractive to him all of a sudden.

You no longer make mistakes, you are now on point and have him exactly where you want him.

He said he wanted his space but suddenly he can't get enough of you! He's hooked...

And another one bites the dust! Hahaha!

Later ladies

Alyssa K

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Statistics - Don't be a nickle looking for a dime...


So I came across this song the other day and I thought for thought.

I won't say anymore for now...but you know that I can pick this to already know me, right? lol

Statistics - Lyfe Jennings

25% of all men are unstable

25% of all men can't be faithful

30% of them don't mean what they say

and 10% of the remaining 20 are gay

That leaves you with 10% chance of ever finding your man

That means you better pay attention to these word that I say

I'm gonna teach how to expose the 90%

And show you what to do to get the other 10


Don't be a booty call
If he don't respect you girl he gone forget you girl

If he's in a relationship

And he would cheat on her that means he would cheat on you


Tell him that you're celibate

and if he want some of your goodies he gone have to work for it

Be the person you wanna find

Don't be a nickle out here lookin' for a dime


(verse 2)
15% of all men got a complex

15% of all men don't practice safe sex

20% of them are from homes without a father

so there's a 50/50 chance that you'll marry a coward

something to think about when you're taking a shower

something to swallow when you drink your bottled water

I'm gonna teach how to expose the 90%

And show you what to do to get the other 10



Be patient
He's waitin'
you don't gotta settle for less
leave all that stress alone

get you a backbone

stop being sorry for yourself
Chances make champions

It's gonna take patience
Time is still wastin'

Listen to the song and watch the video over in the Videos/Podcasts section :)

Later Ladies

Alyssa K

P.S I would be remiss if I didn't let you in on the fun some of my readers are having. Click here and order your hard copy. Make the wrongs right and pre-empt any more mistakes! Be the one that gets him all hot and bothered and voila..he's hooked on you!

Absolutely amazing! I love it!