Friday, July 23, 2010

He does not want to commit to you - what should your next move be?

Hey Ladies,

I’ve been in bed with the flu. I was having fun with the World Cup, summer BBQs, parties, concerts and my blogging of course, and then suddenly, I had the flu and was confined to my house :(

Anyway, I’m getting back on my feet slowly.

That didn’t stop the emails though. I have some stories for you.

I heard a really sad story of a break-up this week.

“Mya” had been seeing a guy for 7 years. They started going steady in their late teens. She had been convinced that he was the one that she was going to spend the rest of her life with. During this time, there had been red flags that she should have paid attention to but she ignored them.

Red flags:

-He used to disappear for days on end without calling her. When she called him the phone would often be turned off and she wouldn’t be able to get hold of him at all.

-She would enquire after him and his mother would say that he was spending the night at a friend’s house. The friend was female by the way.

-He never talked about his future with her in it, never mentioned the word marriage or anything about taking the relationship further.

-He refused to entertain the idea of her moving in with him

-She forced him to buy her a ring and in the end he did, begrudgingly no doubt.

-There were photos of him on Facebook with other women clearly enjoying himself without her.

This week he broke up with her and two days later she saw him at a party with another lady whom he was very affectionate with. She went ballistic and made a scene but that is another story…

Ladies, pay attention to all red flags!

When you find yourself in a relationship with a man who does not seem to know whether he wants to commit to you or not, it is time for you to pull out.

Pull out and cease communication. There is nothing else for you two to discuss. The only man that you give your attention to is the one who is hooked on you for the person whom you are.

It is not that he is not quite sure what he wants. It is not that he is too busy or has to focus on his career or get himself together before he figures out whether he wants to be with you or not.

Men know whether you are the one they want to be with long term or not. The only thing that a man who is not taking a relationship with you forward is sure about is that he does not want to take it with YOU to the next level.

You know when you feel this disconnect because you then try everything you can to keep him from walking out the door. You beg for a ring; you ask him if you can move in with him; you ask him why he hasn’t given you a key to his place; you try to control him and his every move in an attempt to hold on to him. That will always have the opposite effect.

You shouldn’t have to do that much to get a man to stay with you. Why do you feel that you need to? Okay so you have made a few mistakes. Things did not go as planned and suddenly you are in this awful place that your former thoughts created.

So what do you do? Do you want to stay there or go to a better feeling place? It’s your call…

This is where you have to know yourself and who you are at the core, know what you want from a relationship, go after what you want and settle for nothing less. This is where you let go of fear and start to think like a beautiful, confident woman who is in total control of her life and who she spends her precious time with. You will be happy either way because you do not need him to make you happy and complete.

Okay, so he doesn’t want to commit to you. His loss…

You are now 100% focused on you. You are learning from your mistakes. You are now “the one” for YOU. Suddenly you are a brand new lady that he (whoever he is) gets to spend time with if he plays his cards right…

Can you say hooked anyone?

P.S Join the discussion on the fan page on this topic!

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