Monday, October 18, 2010

How do you know if he is Mr. Right?

For some, it is challenging to know if you have found the one but if we are clear about the fact that you teach people how to treat you and that they respond to you in whatever way that you allow them to then knowing if a guy is the one for you becomes a bit easier.

I’ll just write what comes to my head…

How do you feel in his presence? How is he treating you when he is with you? Do you feel as though you have his complete attention when he is with you? Does he make you feel as though he wants to be with you? Does he disrespect you in any way?

Does he put you down or insult you? Does he flirt or come onto other women when he is with you? Does he make you feel as though the reason he isn’t is because you are there? Subtle, but important…Does he verbally or physically abuse you? Does he cheat on you?

If he makes you feel uncomfortable in any way then chances are he is not Mr. Right. If he makes you feel that you are a thorn in his side, he is not Mr. Right. If he makes you feel like you are annoying him or stepping onto his turf then he is not the one. If he cares more about what his friends or other people think of him than you do, not the One. If there are too many queens in the castle, he is not the one.

There are many different examples I could list and I am sure that you can fill in some of your own from your own experiences and those of your friends.

How he makes you feel when you are with him helps you to determine whether or not this is the guy for you. This is why it is important for you to be very picky about who you choose to spend your time and affection with. Why reward a guy if he is not doing anything to be rewarded for? What is the point of rewarding bad behavior?

But then again, if he treats you like this and you are still with him and giving him your time and energy, what does that say about you?

On the other hand, if he makes you feel like you are the only one for him and consistently acts this way, then you may have found your dime. If he makes you feel like he would do anything for you and the thought of being with another woman or cheating on you never enters his mind, then you may have found the one.

If he calls you up during the day just to say hi, what’s up; if he surprises you and does nice things for you without you even having to ask; if he lets everybody who will listen know that you are his lady; if he makes you feel comfortable in his presence and makes you feel like he is there to defend you even though you don’t really need him to be there, chances are…

This is a man that is clearly hooked on you. Why? Because you behaved in a way that made him know that you do not settle for less than you deserve. You have self respect and you can take him or leave him. Either way you will be okay.

If you behave in this way all the time, Mr. Right will stand out because he will be looking for a lady with self-respect.

When you have high self-esteem, you make fewer mistakes. Even if you have made a few, doesn’t matter because starting today you can change, become a lady who does not settle for scraps, take back control of your love life and manage to get Mr. Right hooked on you.

Later ladies

Sunday, October 17, 2010

You teach people how to treat you

Very often, we get into relationships with men who we really should not have even allowed to talk to us let alone touch us.

I’m serious. These are the men who should be happy we even blink in their direction.

I wonder why we do it. I think a lot of it has to do with self-esteem. How do you view yourself? How much value do you place on yourself? How much pride do you take in yourself?

Sometimes I hear stories of women who are in abusive relationships, in relationships with men who are cheating, in relationships with married men or men who have girlfriends, men who are flaky and wishy-washy, men who still won’t propose after 5+ years. I mean really?

They complain about the treatment they are receiving but yet cannot seem to walk away from these men and these waste of time and energy relationships.

What is it about a man who is not treating you well that makes you want to cling to him and not let him go? What is it?

It is clear that he is not worth your time or energy so why is it so hard to let go of someone who treats you like crap?

It goes right back to your self-esteem and self worth. What do you really think about yourself?

Do you think that you are beautiful and that you deserve a loving relationship?

Do you think that you have a lot going for you? Do you really?

Do you think that your life has meaning?

Have you found your passion?

Do you think that you deserve to be with a man who treats you with respect?

Do you think that you deserve to be with a man who only has eyes for you?

Do you think that you deserve to be with a man who only wants to date you and be in a committed relationship with you?

Do you think that you deserve to be with a man who sees your value and acts accordingly?

Do you think that you deserve to be with a man who knows that you are the one he wants to marry?

If the answer to all of these questions is yes, why is it that so many of us stay in relationships with men who are not treating us as we deserve to be treated?

You teach people how to treat you. If you don’t treat yourself with respect because you do not know or do not believe in your true value, how can you expect the man you are involved with at some farcical level to treat you any better?

It cannot work.

You set the tone for how you want to be treated. You show him how you want and expect to be treated because you are aware of your worth. If he cannot deal with that, if he cannot step up to the plate, then he can move right along.

You cannot be that desperate for a relationship that you accept the scraps a man throws at you because he thinks he is above treating you as you deserve.

Ladies if he is not treating you as you deserve to be treated, MOVE ON! NEXT…

If it sounds ruthless and heartless, then you really do not know your worth. To find your dime, you be a dime.

If you see yourself as you truly are, you are on your way to having the life and love that you want.

I particularly like Calling Men and Man mistake Eraser because they help you to put you in a position of power and control. It is from this place that you get exactly what you want and deserve!

Later

Alyssa K