Friday, July 23, 2010

He does not want to commit to you - what should your next move be?

Hey Ladies,

I’ve been in bed with the flu. I was having fun with the World Cup, summer BBQs, parties, concerts and my blogging of course, and then suddenly, I had the flu and was confined to my house :(

Anyway, I’m getting back on my feet slowly.

That didn’t stop the emails though. I have some stories for you.

I heard a really sad story of a break-up this week.

“Mya” had been seeing a guy for 7 years. They started going steady in their late teens. She had been convinced that he was the one that she was going to spend the rest of her life with. During this time, there had been red flags that she should have paid attention to but she ignored them.

Red flags:

-He used to disappear for days on end without calling her. When she called him the phone would often be turned off and she wouldn’t be able to get hold of him at all.

-She would enquire after him and his mother would say that he was spending the night at a friend’s house. The friend was female by the way.

-He never talked about his future with her in it, never mentioned the word marriage or anything about taking the relationship further.

-He refused to entertain the idea of her moving in with him

-She forced him to buy her a ring and in the end he did, begrudgingly no doubt.

-There were photos of him on Facebook with other women clearly enjoying himself without her.

This week he broke up with her and two days later she saw him at a party with another lady whom he was very affectionate with. She went ballistic and made a scene but that is another story…

Ladies, pay attention to all red flags!

When you find yourself in a relationship with a man who does not seem to know whether he wants to commit to you or not, it is time for you to pull out.

Pull out and cease communication. There is nothing else for you two to discuss. The only man that you give your attention to is the one who is hooked on you for the person whom you are.

It is not that he is not quite sure what he wants. It is not that he is too busy or has to focus on his career or get himself together before he figures out whether he wants to be with you or not.

Men know whether you are the one they want to be with long term or not. The only thing that a man who is not taking a relationship with you forward is sure about is that he does not want to take it with YOU to the next level.

You know when you feel this disconnect because you then try everything you can to keep him from walking out the door. You beg for a ring; you ask him if you can move in with him; you ask him why he hasn’t given you a key to his place; you try to control him and his every move in an attempt to hold on to him. That will always have the opposite effect.

You shouldn’t have to do that much to get a man to stay with you. Why do you feel that you need to? Okay so you have made a few mistakes. Things did not go as planned and suddenly you are in this awful place that your former thoughts created.

So what do you do? Do you want to stay there or go to a better feeling place? It’s your call…

This is where you have to know yourself and who you are at the core, know what you want from a relationship, go after what you want and settle for nothing less. This is where you let go of fear and start to think like a beautiful, confident woman who is in total control of her life and who she spends her precious time with. You will be happy either way because you do not need him to make you happy and complete.

Okay, so he doesn’t want to commit to you. His loss…

You are now 100% focused on you. You are learning from your mistakes. You are now “the one” for YOU. Suddenly you are a brand new lady that he (whoever he is) gets to spend time with if he plays his cards right…

Can you say hooked anyone?

P.S Join the discussion on the fan page on this topic!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

How to Become an Irresistible Woman - 3 Reasons Why You Must Change Your Mindset

Just imagine you being so irresistible that people, men and women are just drawn to you. What do you think that would do to your relationships? What do you think that would do to the relationship that you now have with your significant other?

It can only get better!

Suddenly you are no longer thinking that your relationships are going nowhere; that all the men in your life are all losers; that you are not being treated the way that you deserve to be treated; that no one wants to go out with you; that if you break up with the guy in your life because he is just not cutting it, that no one else will want you.

Suddenly, you realize that in order to get what it is that you want out of dating and your relationships that you have to change the way you think! What happens when you stop thinking like you were before and think happier, more fun thoughts?

1. You feel a whole lot better, more optimistic, more confident and more energetic about life. You are no longer afraid of making mistakes! When you get into that place, then you want to take action to get the sort of dating experiences and relationships that you want and settle for nothing less.

2. You are more radiant and magnetic. As you begin to feel better, you radiate more positive energy to all around you. That is what people respond to most. That is the type of energy that draws the type of people you want to be around to you.

3. You feel more feminine and therefore draw men to you. Men respond to feminine energy. When you get into that place where you are feeling so much better about yourself and comfortable about who you are and what you stand for and just happy being you, that's when you become an irresistible woman and that's when you have more men approaching you than you know what to do with. That's when the man in your life starts to open up to you more!

Congratulations! You are now in the zone!

How To Become An Irresistible Woman - 10 questions for self-evaluation

Hey Ladies,

Every woman wants to feel sexy, seductive, alluring and confident, like she has total control over all aspects of her life and emotions.

It is the feeling of complete control and empowerment. I know I love to feel that way. What about you?

It's that feeling where you think that everything is just as it should be and that nothing could go wrong. If things do go wrong, that's okay, because it's a matter of failing forward. Every failure is just one step closer to success as long as your perspective is as it should be.

It is this feeling deep inside that makes you irresistible almost magnetic to all those with whom you come into contact including the man in your life or the guys whom you are dating.

So how do you see yourself and how do you feel about the way you see yourself? When you answer these questions, let your feelings be your guide.

Do you know who you are and are you comfortable with who you are, as you are right now?

If not, why not?

Who has told you that you are anything less than who you know yourself to be deep within?

More importantly, why are you listening to them?

Are you still seeking happiness?

Can you be happy right where you are now? List some reasons why you can.

What about practising feeling a little bit better about who you are today, tomorrow and the day after that? Find simple ways to do that.

What if you could feel confident and ready to take on the world every single day?

Would you do what it takes to achieve that?

Even though you cannot get everything right when it comes to dating, does that make you any less of a person?

This self analysis is important because others see you as you see yourself. The men in your life see you as you see yourself. When you get to the point where you feel confident and irresistible every single day, then you become an irresistible woman.

When you see yourself as being irresistible and magnetic, your love life and your relationship experiences have to change to mirror who you have become!

Ciao

Monday, July 12, 2010

Where can I go to meet guys -Part 2

Hey,


Ok so the World Cup is now over. Congratulations to Spain!

That however does not mean that you give up on going to sports bars or getting out of the house.

Listen do not even try it. I know there are many ladies who prefer to stay at home for a whole long list of reasons lol...

To become super confident, strut your stuff and practise all these tips and techniques, you have to get up and go out! The more you do it the easier it becomes.

There is still a whole lot of summer left. Whenever you hear a major game being advertised, make an effort to go. I have already explained why in an earlier post.

The objective here is just to increase your chances of meeting people.

But assuming that some of you are now sick to death of sports and sports bars for a while lol, (sorry but I had to make sure you did it) here are some other suggestions of where you can meet quality men this summer:

Workplace (although I would use with caution)

College/University

Church

Bookstore

Library

Supermarket

Beach

Park

Mall

Concerts

Get togethers’ at friends’ houses

Art galleries, exhibitions

Poetry readings/Open mics

Online

These are just places I could think of off the top of my head as I give some other ideas to try. Remember that we are doing things differently for summer 2010. No more of the same!

Do things that you like and follow your passions but step out of your comfort zone and try something you have never done before.

When you go out, remember the easy dating challenge where you smile, flirt and have fun?

Every time you go out, you do the same thing. You rinse and repeat lol

That's all you do and they will approach. Then depending on how many you meet and how the "meetings" progress, you get to practise being selective!

Can any of you think of any other places? Have any of you ever met a quality guy anywhere else? Any funny stories to share?

Alyssa K

Saturday, July 10, 2010

NOW ON FACEBOOK!

Hey Ladies

Just to let you know that we are now on FB. Send a friend request to Alyssa Kay and I'll add you or alternatively Become a Fan by clicking on the "like" button on the right!

I won't send out any requests from the mailing list I have, I leave this completely up to you.

FB will be used primarily for alerts and links to new blog posts, videos and newly published articles and anything else I think you'd like.

Once the weekly relationship tips start I can send them to all of you via private messaging on FB.

We'll be on Twitter soon too!

Talk to you later!

love

Alyssa K

Friday, July 9, 2010

Should I give him a second chance

Hey ladies,

Just wanted to point out something that I realized a few months ago and you can tell me what you think.

I hate to generalize but this is what it seems like in any case.

You ever realize that guys give us one chance? We don’t get multiple chances. They have this idea of what you should be like and if you are not it they move on.

Not much thinking going on there…they make it look easy.

Meanwhile, you are still there wondering why he doesn’t call you or if he feels the same way about you as you feel about him; why he never does what he says he’s going to do; does he want to get more serious; does he want to marry you

So why do we continue to give them chance after chance after chance?

This is where you have to know who you are at the core and what you are willing and not willing to put up with.

No one can help you with this, ladies.

What is it that you want from your relationships or your interaction with men you meet and date?

When you know exactly who you are and what you want, then it is very easy to be selective and no-nonsense.

You can have all the fun you want at the same time because you know what you are looking for and will not settle just because you feel like this is it and you will not get another chance with another guy ever again.

I’ll say it again, if one guy is NOT meeting your standards…

Move on…because there are many, many others right around the corner, never forget that and that’s the best part!

When you find yourself thinking too much and becoming frustrated, then you know that something is not quite right.

You have moved away from who you truly are, what you really want and are willing to put up with.

When you find that carefree, fun loving place again, that’s when it becomes easier to do what you know has to be done!

Much love

Alyssa K

Does playing hard to get work? 3 reasons why it does

Does it really work ?

There are many ladies who wonder "does playing hard to get work?". Some even dismiss the idea because they claim that it is just playing games.

Although I do not particularly care for the term "playing hard to get", there are many reasons why the concept behind the term works so well.

In fact, it is not really about playing games or putting on a show. It is not supposed to be a game where you are playing with someone else's feelings or pretending to be something you are not.

It's more about the way in which you hold yourself. It's about not giving yourself away to the first guy who pays you some attention and whom you happen to like.

If you really do have a full life; have things going for you; have projects you are working on, then you are not really "playing hard to get", are you? You are hard to get. You have a life and therefore cannot be available and at his beck and call every time he wants to see you or talk to you.

Something may or may not happen between you two. That's fine. It is not a big deal either way. This may or may not be the man you are meant to have a relationship with. If it is meant to happen, it will happen without you having to give yourself away then, won't it?

What you do not do is pretend to be busy or unavailable when you are not. All that means is that you are not being yourself and at this point you are playing games. What you do is to continue doing all the things that you have been doing until now and not make him a priority. That's how you "play hard to get".

Here are just three reasons why it works:

1. It helps you to determine how interested he is in you and how serious he is about getting to know you. If you continue to do what you have always done and not make him a priority, he has to keep himself in your mind and in your life. If he is interested he will do that by calling you and scheduling time to see you despite your full life.

2. You work with human nature not against it. People always want what they cannot have. It is human nature.

If you are busy with work, classes, friends, projects and all the little things that make you a well-rounded, radiant, fun individual, then it means that you do not have the time to focus solely on him. You become elusive and scarce. Then you become a challenge to him. He will try to call you and see you more often. The challenge is now to get your attention.

3. It raises your value. When you do not give yourself away and are not always available, it raises your value in his eyes. If you are always available to him, he will begin to take you for granted. He can have you at any time so your value drops. Why are blue diamonds so expensive? Because they are rare and hard to acquire. Suddenly, you are that rare blue diamond he has to have.

The concept behind "playing hard to get" works. When you change your perspective, suddenly playing hard to get takes on a whole new meaning.

Alyssa K

Thursday, July 8, 2010

How to know if a guy is interested in you - 5 ways to tell

Hey,

Stop wondering whether he is interested or not or how interested he is. Just observe...

Very often, we may be interested in a man but we are not quite sure if the feeling is mutual.

Sometimes men send mixed signals. They flirt with you, pay you compliments and are genuinely nice to you. But then when he isn't really taking any other steps to get to know you, you start to wonder if he is interested in you on a romantic level or if he is just being overly friendly.

The majority of the time we make it more complicated than it really is. The bottom line is if a guy is interested, he'll make it known and we will not have to guess and do any mental gymnastics to determine whether or not he is interested.

Unless he is extremely shy or has other personal issues, if a man is interested in you, he will let you know fairly quickly because he will want to make sure that he has your full attention. Don't you realize that men thrive on attention?

If you have toanalyse him or the situation, then chances are he is not interested and certainly not interested enough in you to make a move to call you or ask you out despite the signals he is sending.

Here are the top ways to know if a guy is interested:

1. He will call you - even if it is just to hear your voice and see how you are doing; how your day has been. He will call you because he is thinking about you.

2. He will ask you out. He wants to see you and spend more time with you to get to know you. If you agree to go out with him then he will know that you are interested in him as well.

3. He will schedule a second date with you as soon as he can. If you had a good time on the first date and he is genuinely interested in seeing you again, he will schedule another date with you sometimes just as the first date is ending.

Other times, it may take a few days but the point is he will make sure that he keeps himself penciled into your schedule. Why? Because he wants to spend time with you.

4. He will schedule a third, a fourth, a fifth date and so on. This is self explanatory and along the same lines as the Point 3.

5. He will keep his word. If he says that he will do something he will. If he says he will call you or meet you at a certain time, he will do as he says. If he has to cancel or reschedule a date, he will do so ahead of time and not stand you up.

If a man is doing the above, he is genuinely interested in you, likes you and likes being around you. The above actions are his way of showing you that. That is all you need to pay attention to: his actions.

Ignore the mixed signals. Just look at what he does and if he follows through. You'll find out what you want to know without having to say a word or expend unnecessary energy.

Exercise self control and you will have your answers!

Alyssa K

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

How to get a man to call you - Less is more

Hey ladies,

What do you do when the guy that you like never calls but sends you a text when he wants to ask you out on a date or talk to you?

If you have no problem with this as a sole or primary method of communication with the guy you are dating or seeing, then ignore all the advice in this article.

If however, you are bothered in the least by the fact that he is not calling you to have a proper conversation or worse, if he asks you out via a text message, then you have take some sort of action to let him know that you would prefer a phone call and that text messaging is unacceptable as a primary form of communication.

To get a man to call you instead of sending text messages is very simple.

Simply stop responding to his texts. You have two choices when you receive the text. You can either read the text and not respond or simply not read it so that you are not tempted to respond. This works for three main reasons.

1. Men do not understand words, only action. You could tell him that you prefer having a phone conversation instead of a text marathon or you could show him. By not responding, you have cut communication with him. That is what men respond to.

2. When he realizes that you are no longer responding to his texts, he will instantly know that something is wrong and he will call you to find out what's wrong. At that point, you can then simple tell him that you prefer to have phone conversations and all that text messaging does your head in. That is all you need to say.

3. You get exactly what you want which is for him to call you instead of text messaging you and he now gets what he wants because you are no longer ignoring him. Win Win...

No need to say or do anything else. Less is more.

Alyssa K

Should I tell him I love him - 4 ways to assess the situation

Hey,

I got this question a few times recently.

If we have been dating or seeing a guy for a while, we become more and more into him until we feel like we have fallen head over heels in love with him.

We spend more and more time with him and things are going so well that we feel compelled to tell him exactly how we feel.

I am all for honesty and being up front and direct with people but I tend to err on the side of caution where men are concerned and I never go faster than they do. In other words, if a man has not said "I love you" nor hinted at it, then I will not say it.

Some women say that if you want to tell a man that you love him, you should just go right ahead and tell him. What's the worst that can happen, right?

Well, if you had that same mindset, then you wouldn't be asking the question "should I tell him that I love him?" You would just have told him.

Here's how you can access the situation though and make a decision. Mull over the following questions.

1. What is it that you are hoping to gain by telling him that you love him? Do you hope that by telling him that that you and he will become closer and that your bond will deepen? Are you hoping that it will take your relationship to the next level? Are you hoping that he feels the same way about you?

2. How long have you been seeing each other? Remember that men and women view dating and relationships very differently and although you have been seeing him for six months and feel like you have fallen in love, he might not feel the same way. Has he been dropping any hints that he may love you too?

3. How would you feel if he did not say it back to you or doesn't that matter? Are you sufficiently detached from the outcome of any such conversation so that if you say it and he does not respond in kind that you could simply say "well, it doesn't matter but I love you and I wanted you to know that". Seriously, if this is the way you feel, then by all means tell him.

4. Are you prepared to face the possibility that he may not feel the same way and that your telling him that may spook him and send him running in the next direction? If that were to happen, do you know how to reverse that situation?

I am really not trying to be pessimistic here but these are valid questions that I think you should mull over. Once you have assessed the situation and you accept that you are taking on a big risk, then go for it! When you take a big risk, it either pays great dividends or you lose everything.

If you are positive that he is hooked on you, then take the risk!

If not, don't do it!

You'll be putting yourself in a position that you do not want to be in.

There is another way.

How about inspiring him to fall in love with you by being the beautiful, sexy confident, no-nonsense lady that you are! No fear of making any mistakes with him because you are in control of you, your emotions and who you give your heart to and who you let in.

Now, how about getting him to say he loves you and wants no one but you... UNPROMPTED!

How do you think you would feel then? He is saying it because he means it with no prompting from you.

Correct ladies, correct...Now that would be quite an achievement!

Alyssa K

How to get a man to commit to you - 3 fun and easy ways to do it

hey ladies,

When you start thinking "does he want a relationship with me?"; "I need to know where I stand with him"; "Why won't he marry me?"; "does he want to get married?", then something isn't right. You have to nip this in the bud quickly.

Some women go through this all the time and it gets worse as the relationship drags on. We go through all sorts of mental gymnastics on how to get the guy we are dating to commit to a relationship with us or how to get our boyfriends to commit to marriage.

Somehow we have been conditioned to expect that any man whom we are seeing or dating at the time should be the man we are meant to be with for all eternity especially if the relationship has been a long term one. We somehow expect that the guy whom we are dating and to whom we have grown attached should feel the same way and want to commit to us.

But what if you changed the way that you perceive things? What if it didn't matter to you that much anymore? What if enjoying life and not taking it so seriously ranked as high as or higher than getting a commitment with the guy who is dragging his feet on it?

You know what it is that you want which for many of you is a committed relationship with a man who loves and respects you and who would do anything for you, right?

But who is to say that this will happen with the man you are currently with? It doesn't matter if you have been with him five months or five years. There is no way to tell and you cannot coerce him or dish out ultimatums. In any case, that's really no fun for you, is it?

Why not do it the fun way? Here are three easy tips that will inspire any man to want commit to you:

1. Realise that you cannot force a man to do anything that he does not want to do but you can inspire him to want to commit to you. You have to adopt the type of attitude which conveys to him that he is okay for now but you are not quite sure if you want to be with him always.

That is, in essence, what men do all the time anyway so why not take a page out of that book? Remember that he is one of hundreds of men that you could potentially have a good relationship with and it's good that you always have the presence of mind to keep your options open.

2. Detach yourself from any outcome with him. If you two happen to end up in a committed relationship or get married, then that would be a pleasant surprise but right now all you do is to enjoy the time you spend with him and stop thinking about whether he is "the one" or not. When you do that he realizes that you like having him around but your life is not dependent on whether or not he stays around.

3. Start to enjoy your freedom. What is it that you like to do? Start doing more of that, having more fun, putting you first and spending less time with him. When he realizes that you are not too keen on roping him in for a commitment, he'll start to wonder whether or not you even like being with him or having him around. He'll start wondering whether or not you want to commit to him. And that is where you want him...

Before you know it, you are in a committed relationship with a guy who just doesn't want to let you go.

What did you do? You simply changed your perspective and got him hooked on you!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

How to become irresistible to men - How is your thinking?

SUMMER 2010

Your perspective is changing! A shift is taking place!

I am happy to hear that many of you are taking steps in the right direction.

I know that you have heard this a million times but I’ll say it again.

What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results…

At some point, you have to say enough is enough. If it’s not working, I need to change something I am doing and quick!

I have actually spoken to some of you who have had astounding results with Man Mistake Eraser. Way to go!

Yes, I told you when you download through the blog, I offer one on one advice if you need it, didn't I?.

You want to know how to regain his interest?

how to get him to realise your value, your worth?

how to get him to see that you mean business?

how to meet guys that are worth your time?

I sense your frustration...

When you realize that what you are doing is not working the way you’d like it to, you become frustrated but that frustration is your first step ladies…

Then you start to think,

This is nonsense.

How many times is this going to happen to me?

I’ve had enough

Well this is the last time

I deserve more and I want more

I’m pretty attractive. I look good and I feel good.

Heck, I'm beautiful.

I can go out right now and I’ll be sure to have the time of my life

This is my life. I’m going to live it to the fullest.

I am free and I’m going to enjoy my freedom

I want to have fun and I’m going to have fun with or without him.

I have one life and it all happens here and now :-)

I know what I want and I’m going to get it

And while, I’m at it, who knows, I might meet a cool, quality guy I get along really well with.

But by George, I am going to enjoy my freedom right now and have some fun!

When you start having these sorts of thoughts more often during the day, that, ladies, is when all sort of good things begin happening in you!

Once that shift starts in you, it can only be seen and FELT by others including the man in your life!

That is how you put all the wrong things right and get what you truly want!

Get what it is that you really want.

Combine the above with some proven strategies outlined in Man Mistake Eraser and watch what happens! Offer still stands when you download through my blog!

Love it!!! This is your summer ladies! Something has got to give!

Much love

Alyssa K

Tips on being feminine - Turn up the heat for summer 2010

Hey again!

Now it's summer and it's way too hot to be wearing layers of clothing! So have you donned those summer dresses and skirts yet?

Another very simple way to get your guy or the guy that you like to become fixated on you is just to be more feminine. Act like a lady, walk like a lady, talk like a lady...

Allow the sexy, confident, alluring you to shine through for summer 2010. Ever notice how some women get guys that they do not even know to do anything for them WITHOUT asking?

Now if that can happen with a man that you do not even know, don't you think that's it's even easier with a man you are dating or seeing long term?

Goes back to that secret we always talk about. The vibe, the aura...that vibe is intoxicating to men. Mix a summer dress with that and you'll be killer!

SO use it to your advantage!

Men are designed to respond to feminine energy. They CANNOT help it.

Time to turn up the heat! Below are some tips on how to be feminine.

1. Sit down and think back to times when you've felt especially feminine. Remember those moments in detail - How did you feel? What were you wearing? What were you doing? This is the first and most important step because it reveals what you consider to be feminine, and that's ultimately what matters most. Focus on those details, and work on recreating those conditions and that feeling in yourself.

2. Know the difference between being feminine and being girly. Being girly implies being feminine but in a youthful and materialistic sort of way. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's not the only way to be feminine. You can be 70 years old and wear a silk bathrobe and still be feminine because ultimately, you can still do the things that make you feel more like a woman.

3.Love every inch of your body. The body is what makes you a woman, so how can you be feminine if you don't embrace your female form? A woman's body naturally has a higher body fat percentage than that of a man, so don't dismiss your curves. On the other hand, part of loving your body is taking care of it, so don't dismiss your cholesterol levels, either. Fortunately, you don't have to look like a catwalk model to be reasonably healthy.

4.Be graceful. In most societies, women are thought to be more naturally graceful than men. There are always exceptions, of course, and it is totally up to you whether you choose gracefulness to be an expression of your femininity.

Generally, however, many women feel more feminine when they make smooth movements, rather than jerky, powerful ones. And, of course, consider the context. You might want to be fierce on the volleyball court or shooting range, and svelte at a bar or in the bedroom. There's no rule saying you have to be graceful (or feminine) all the time.

5. Dance. Dancing is an extension of your body, and through dance you can find ways to emphasize your femininity. Belly dancing (my personal favourite I should add), for example, accentuates the natural curves of a woman's form. A partner dance, like salsa or the waltz, can also help you feel more feminine because such dances are built upon the traditional differences between men and women--the man guides, while the woman follows and makes more fluid, extravagant movements.

6. Be playful. Let's ditch the whole idea that being feminine means being perfect and ethereal. For those times when grace is lacking and you fall flat on your face in the middle of a room, the true test of your femininity is your ability to laugh it off! Because think about it: Taking life too seriously isn't very feminine in most people's books, and it's not very healthy overall.

So smile a lot, flirt, tease, and play. Have fun! Ultimately, being feminine is about feeling at ease with yourself, and you can't feel at ease if you're too stiff and somber, so be the opposite: lighthearted and playful.

7. Wear comfortable, stylish, good-fitting feminine clothing. The clothing can either be tops, skirts, scarfs, underwear, hats, shoes, pants, socks, etc. Go shopping and browse some nice clothing stores and see what you find and what fits you well. The clothes do not have to be expensive! They can be lower priced and still look good.

8. Wear a little makeup. This step is not necessary, but will help in looking a little more feminine. Red and pink lipstick and neutral eyeshadows will help to create a feminine look. But remember, you do not need makeup. Only wear it if you want to. A natural look is always best.

9. Be confident in yourself. This is another important step to looking feminine, bright, healthy, and confident. Like the other step above, learning to love yourself is important. Having confidence will not only make you look more feminine mentally and physically, it will help you to be more independent and outstanding. Never give up on yourself, ever.

Have fun ladies! Knock em dead!

Alyssa K

Friday, July 2, 2010

How to spot Mr. Wrong

Hello,

It’s July now and I expect to hear only good things! How is the challenge going?

It’s almost over but you can extend it personally if you wish.

It’s good practice anyway.

You had some time to really get into the swing of things. You should have “easily dated” at least 10 guys between last week and this week. If you did that I am willing to bet that those guys approached, at least some of them anyway.

Yeah, don’t worry, I’m right there with you. You don’t think I’m going to tell you to do something I wouldn’t do myself right?

Just remember ladies, BE SELECTIVE and now you can afford to be.

Why? Because you now have CHOICES!

It’s fine if they approach and it’s fine to be friendly and flirtatious but remember that YOU are in control of who you spend your precious time with.

So if you have any of the following signs or clues coming out of the conversation you may have with any of these guys, wrap it up and move on.

It’s about being empowered and confident enough not to settle for anything less than you want or deserve. In the course of any follow up conversations as you are getting to know him

If he tells you:

1. He is not looking for anything serious
2. He does not want to settle down anytime soon, he just wants to have fun and date
3. He has a child and girlfriend
4. He's "separated" (i.e. married)
5. He wants to have a sex with no strings attached (i.e. booty call or friends with benefits)

Or if he:

1.Says he’ll call and doesn’t
2.Can’t keep his word
3.Can’t keep his story straight in the course of conversation
4.Cancels dates last minute

You simply smile and keep it moving. Do not argue with him, do not try to change him. Do not try to talk it out. There is nothing to talk about. What is there to talk about?

Now I am not saying that some of the situations above cannot lead to something more meaningful but that would be the exception not the rule.

If you know that you cannot handle any of the above, do not waste your time with him. Do not pretend to be okay with any of it if you are not. If you are sure that you want more, know what you want and go after it and DO NOT settle for less. If he is not cutting it ladies, cut him loose.

You know when a man is not cutting it. You can feel it in your gut. Put YOU as Number 1 and raise your standards.

And then suddenly, you realise you have this guy hooked on you and not wanting to let you go.

Talk to you later ladies! Keep having fun!

How to be flirtatious

Flirting is, at its most basic, a way to meet potential mates and see if they are compatible. In some situations, such as at a dance or a party, flirting is the only way to open the door to a romantic relationship with someone you don't know and might not otherwise ever see again.

Because of all of this,flirting is a very important skill, and it's one that makes a lot of people nervous. There is an art of flirting , though, and it's an art that can be learned. Here are some pointers for you.

Steps

1. Flirting is fun, but only if you don't take it too seriously. Most of the time, you'll just flirt with someone for a short time and then maybe never talk to them again. If you always go in to flirting expecting to date or even marry the person you're flirting with, you're going to be very disappointed--and you'll probably seem a little desperate. Remember, you're just flirting.

2. Look approachable. Relax and smile. Use your body language to give signals that you are the fun person that you are, and to show that you're comfortable and confident. There's nothing to be nervous about.

3. Read body language. Do they appear interested in you? From the moment you see someone with whom you might want to flirt, you should read his or her body language. Once you're actually flirting with the person, body language is often the only way to tell if the person is actually interested in you. We all have a natural ability to read body language, but it's easy to misread signals, so be careful and take it slow. If you see one signal that indicates the person is interested in you, watch for other signals that might confirm that.

4. Make eye contact, but not for more than a moment or two. Do not stare. Just shoot the person a quick gaze, smile with your eyes, and then slowly look away. If you look back and notice the person looking back to meet your eyes, they're likely interested in flirting a bit.

5. Initiate a conversation with the person you're interested in. If you don't already know them simply make small talk. Perhaps the best way to strike up a conversation is to start with a simple observation which ends with a question: "Nice day, isn't it?" or "This place sure is packed, eh?" are just a couple examples. What you say isn't important. You don't really need an answer to the question; you are simply inviting the person to talk with you. If the person responds pleasantly, continue the conversation.

If the person doesn't respond or seems preoccupied or disinterested, he probably isn't interested in flirting with you. At the beginning of the conversation, you don't want to talk about anything personal. Talk about the environment around you, the show you just saw, etc., but don't talk much about yourself and don't ask the other person personal questions.

6. Gradually share information about yourself in a reciprocal manner. If this small talk goes well, proceed to share a little information about yourself--just something small like what you do for a living or how you liked the show you just saw, for example. At some point, of course, you'll want to introduce yourself and, hopefully, get the other person's name. The key to sharing information is that you both gradually open up. Take turns talking, and each time the other person gives you some information about himself, give similar information about yourself, and maybe give slightly more personal information than the guy gave. You don't want to share too much about yourself too quickly, and you shouldn't try to get the other person to do so either.

7. Give the person your complete attention. Laugh at their jokes, listen to their stories, and don't get distracted by what's going on around you. It's more important to seem interested than to seem interesting, and you don't want to hog the conversation. Being a good listener is far more important to successful flirting than being witty.

8. Use body language to hint at your romantic intentions. If things are going really well, you might want to try to break the touch barrier. Touch his arm briefly and gently as you talk. Or be more assertive and hold his hand when you cross the street, or if walking to a seat or a table, lead them by gently holding their arm. Touching in this manner helps break a "personal space" barrier.

Pay attention to red flags, because some people have "personal space" issues and you don't want to make them uncomfortable. In general, women can get away with touching much earlier in a conversation than men can. Many women feel a little threatened when a man they just met enters their personal space, while most men are more open to being touched. In any case, proceed with caution, and back off if you get negative or mixed signals from the person.

9. Close the deal. Most flirting is just harmless fun, and nothing will ever come of it. Every now and then, though, you'll meet someone who you'd like to see again and who you think would also like to see you again. Flirting is, after all, a type of courting ritual, a way to meet potential boyfriends maybe even your future spouse.

Don't worry about wedding plans just yet, though; start by getting the person's phone number. For most people, this is the hard part, because you have to actually make your intentions known, and in doing so you risk rejection. Be brave. Tell the person you'd like to see him or her again, and just ask for their phone number or, if it feels right, try to set up a date for some future time. If the person isn't interested, don't sweat it. There will always be another guy to flirt with.